Favorite math jokes

For the discussion of math. Duh.

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Teppic
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Teppic » Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:21 am UTC

It has no punch line, and is completely wrong. Even if you meant in the pantheist force of nature as manifest as many scientists do when they talk about the divine, you are wrong to do so. Because it makes the maths bit opposed to it, and hypocritical to compare the two in what was, Im sure, meant to be a deep sentiment.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Naurgul » Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:01 am UTC

Mm, indeed there's no punchline, but there's something serving the same function: it's the last thing mathematics and divinity are supposed to have in common. I'm not sure I understand the rest of your post, though. Are you joking? It wasn't supposed to be an accurate analogy, if that's what you think I was trying to do; this is a joke thread.
Teppic wrote:Because it makes the maths bit opposed to it
What makes the maths bit opposed to what? I'm not exactly sure what you mean by the maths bit too, but I suppose it will be obvious if you explain what you're referring to for the other two cases.
Teppic wrote:...and hypocritical to compare the two
I'm not sure I understand in what context and why it was hypocritical to compare the two. As far as I can tell, it's ironic how two things that are usually put in contrast to each other could be manipulated to seem as similar... and that was the point of the joke.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby antonfire » Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:35 am UTC

It's a decent statement, I guess, but it's not what I would call a joke.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Sevilla » Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:42 pm UTC

Teppic wrote:An old joke, surprised it hasnt been posted;

During the soviet block era, a polish scientist, a mathematician, and his brother want to escape to the west. They fall on a plan to hijack a aeroplane. They rush the airport guards get on the flight deck and barracked themselves in. Suddenly they realise they have overlooked the difficulties of flying. They elect the mathematicians retarded brother to give it a go.

He sits down at the controls and studies them for 5 minutes, the guards are shooting at them, they scream at him HURRY UP YOU FOOL. He replies, look Im sorry but its difficult, Im but a simple pole in a complex plane.

That, and the gay/gaybar annihilation one were fantastic xD.

Probably been posted but I can't bring myself to cringe through 440 posts. My maths teacher got very annoyed at this one.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby 22/7 » Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:36 pm UTC

Sevilla wrote:Probably been posted but I can't bring myself to cringe through 440 posts. My maths teacher got very annoyed at this one.

Difference between a Maths Degree and a Large Pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four

Probably because it's not particularly true, nor does it play off stereotypes (which are generally at least a decently sized chunk of what makes jokes funny). At least stick with the old racist variant (black man, Mexican, Pole, Jew... well, not Jews, they're really good with money... maybe because they'd be too stingy to pay for a large pizza...).
Totally not a hypothetical...

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Sevilla » Wed Jun 18, 2008 8:25 pm UTC

22/7 wrote:
Sevilla wrote:Probably been posted but I can't bring myself to cringe through 440 posts. My maths teacher got very annoyed at this one.

Difference between a Maths Degree and a Large Pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four

Probably because it's not particularly true, nor does it play off stereotypes (which are generally at least a decently sized chunk of what makes jokes funny). At least stick with the old racist variant (black man, Mexican, Pole, Jew... well, not Jews, they're really good with money... maybe because they'd be too stingy to pay for a large pizza...).


A cheap jibe at best I know, though she took it all in good humour (as was intended of course, I don't aim to make everyone I meet feel like trash) bearing in mind I'm actually starting a Maths Degree this October in Uni.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby bigglesworth » Wed Jun 18, 2008 9:22 pm UTC

Sevilla wrote:That, and the gay/gaybar annihilation one were fantastic xD.

Probably been posted but I can't bring myself to cringe through 440 posts. My maths teacher got very annoyed at this one.

Difference between a Maths Degree and a Large Pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four


Aww thanks.

Anyway, that joke was originally about a History degree. Which is much funnier.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Sevilla » Wed Jun 18, 2008 9:41 pm UTC

No problem, I literally laughed out loud on reading it.

Not only funnier (Considering I have a fair few friends off to study History at uni this Autumn), but considering that the corporate devil do pay well for Mathmo's, more true.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby bigglesworth » Thu Jun 19, 2008 6:04 pm UTC

Exactly: It's funny because its true
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root
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby root » Thu Jun 19, 2008 11:26 pm UTC

Albert Einstein once visited the University of Chicago's physics department and was taken on a tour of the laboratories. The physics graduate students proudly displayed their experiments. To one of them Einstein offered a suggestion, but the young man quickly explained why the idea couldn't work.

Einstein shook his head sadly. "My ideas are never any good," he said.

Can someone explain?

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby scowdich » Fri Jun 20, 2008 12:01 am UTC

Einstein came up with some awesome stuff: he proposed the Theory of Relativity (both General and Special), explained the photoelectric effect (what he got his Nobel for), and other neato stuff. He even published a paper on fluid dynamics in drinking straws. Einsteid having such a self-deprecating attitude toward his own ideas, then (while actually true), is funny.

As a matter of fact, many of Einstein's ideas weren't much good - he just came up with so many that he wound up with good ones in the end.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby root » Fri Jun 20, 2008 12:06 am UTC

gotcha! That drinking straws paper sounds interesting. To google!

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby lgonick » Sun Jun 22, 2008 3:11 pm UTC

This may be lame, but I invented it myself:

Q. Why did the mathematical biologist get her nose pierced?
A. She wanted to change her genus.

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Re:

Postby drock » Thu Jul 31, 2008 5:23 pm UTC

What does a mathematician mermaid wear?

An Algae-bra.

yuk yuk yuk
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby btilly » Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:25 pm UTC

root wrote:
Albert Einstein once visited the University of Chicago's physics department and was taken on a tour of the laboratories. The physics graduate students proudly displayed their experiments. To one of them Einstein offered a suggestion, but the young man quickly explained why the idea couldn't work.

Einstein shook his head sadly. "My ideas are never any good," he said.

Can someone explain?

Einstein was a theoretician, not an experimentalist. One would not expect him to have useful advice about how to conduct experiments.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby quintopia » Sat Aug 02, 2008 12:54 am UTC

antonfire wrote:I think it's more bastardly to tell the truth and yet give no information than it is to simply contradict yourself.


You don't contradict yourself. You just supply the user with the wrong information (the only consistent system corresponding to the answer 0 is 0 = true), and as such, it would properly be considered more bastardly (because you're lying).

However, it's funny as it is because the user can figure out whether he's correct from that answer by applying simple logic, whether he knows it or not.

NathanielJ wrote:The sad thing is that it doesn't bother me because it's lame, but it bothers me because they treat "No" as if it's being added in lines 1 and 2 but as if it's being multiplied throughout the rest of the proof.


Incorrect. The first two lines are axioms: If you don't study, you fail, and if you study, you don't fail. The only reason it works out to study = fail is because the proof pretty much internally assumes study = fail = 0.
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Only the ones that aren't very funny.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby antonfire » Sat Aug 02, 2008 2:00 am UTC

quintopia wrote:
antonfire wrote:I think it's more bastardly to tell the truth and yet give no information than it is to simply contradict yourself.


You don't contradict yourself. You just supply the user with the wrong information (the only consistent system corresponding to the answer 0 is 0 = true), and as such, it would properly be considered more bastardly (because you're lying).
Er, neither of the two obvious inepretations make "'0 is false and 1 is true' has truth value 0" a true statement. In particular, if 0 is true, then answering 0 just means that your answer is wrong.

You're right that it's not a contradiction, though, because 0=false and 1=false is consistent with your answer. I didn't consider that interpretation.

quintopia wrote:However, it's funny as it is because the user can figure out whether he's correct from that answer by applying simple logic, whether he knows it or not.
This isn't true whether you answer 0 or 1. If you answer 1, then at least two interpretations are consistent with your answer: 0=false and 1=true, and 0=true and 1=false. The user can't tell between these. To me, this is funny, because you're giving the correct answer, without giving away the correct answer.

If you answer 0, the only way of assigning true and false to 0 and 1 which is consistent with your answer is 0=false and 1=false. So, your answer combined with simple logic leads the user to the incorrect conclusion. This isn't much funnier than just randomly lying to somebody, but I suppose it's pretty bastardly. Just not in a terribly clever way.
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Re: Transformer geekdom

Postby TheTinker » Tue Aug 05, 2008 5:07 pm UTC

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby erniepan » Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:45 am UTC

There are three types of mathematicians: those who can count and those who can't.
There are 10 types of mathematicians: those who understand binary and those who don't.
There are 11 types of mathematicians: those who understand unary and those who don't.
There are 11 types of mathematicians: those who understand balanced ternary and those who don't.
There are 110 types of mathematicians: those who understand negabinary and those who don't.
There are 100 types of mathematicians: those who understand the Zeckendorf representation and those who don't.
There are O(1) types of mathematicians: those who understand big-Oh notation and those who don't.

There are infinitely many types of mathematicians: those who classify all mathematicians into a single type, those who classify mathematicians into two types, those who classify mathematicians into three types, those who classify mathematicians into four types, and so on.

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Re: Re:

Postby Shakleton » Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:33 am UTC

drock wrote:What does a mathematician mermaid wear?

An Algae-bra.

yuk yuk yuk


/thread. You win! And Sig'd. My new favourite Math joke! You sir, are a genius!
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby TheTinker » Wed Aug 06, 2008 2:46 pm UTC

Here's a groaner that I just made up. Could have been in here before, but i did a search and couldn't find it.

what did the simplified expression say to the exponential expression?

"I think I log you"

I can hear the groans and quibblling now. . .

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby The_Truth » Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:43 pm UTC

Why did the zookeeper kick the monkey out of the compact Hausdorff cage?

Because it didn't belong in a Baire space!

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The Limit of the Bourne Identity....

Postby pernero » Sat Aug 09, 2008 5:47 pm UTC

DOES NOT EXIST!

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Re: The Limit of the Bourne Identity....

Postby RDon » Sun Aug 10, 2008 1:28 am UTC

This thread is awesome.

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Re: The Limit of the Bourne Identity....

Postby headprogrammingczar » Sun Aug 10, 2008 1:49 am UTC

The Bourne Identity:
Lack of information=conspiracy
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Blatm » Mon Aug 11, 2008 1:01 am UTC

I was sort of hopping that The Limit of the Bourne Identity wouldn't get merged with this thread. I'm disappointed.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Pathway » Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:40 am UTC

A man went to the post office to post a fishing rod which was five feet long and all in one piece. He was upset to find that the maximum parcel length the post office would accept was four feet.
He solved the problem by placing the fishing rod diagonally in a rectangular box of length four feet and width three feet.


I don't get it. Is the joke that he could have minimized the parcel's length more efficiently by making the box taller and using the diagonal between opposite corners?
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby pkuky » Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:03 pm UTC

there are o(1)+1 types of math students: those who know small o notation, and those who will.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Rgeminas » Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:34 am UTC

4 of every 3 people do not understand basic concepts of statistics.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Xanthir » Thu Aug 21, 2008 6:26 pm UTC

Pathway wrote:
A man went to the post office to post a fishing rod which was five feet long and all in one piece. He was upset to find that the maximum parcel length the post office would accept was four feet.
He solved the problem by placing the fishing rod diagonally in a rectangular box of length four feet and width three feet.


I don't get it. Is the joke that he could have minimized the parcel's length more efficiently by making the box taller and using the diagonal between opposite corners?

It's less of a joke and more of a "they're so stupid" story. The post office only accepts parcels with a length of 4ft or less. However, you can easily ship something larger than 4ft (up to about 5ft 8in) by using the diagonals, thus proving their restriction to be ridiculous.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Blatm » Fri Aug 22, 2008 12:58 am UTC

My chem teacher on units:

[British accent]"Do any of you have baby brothers or sisters? Well you don't want to give them a full Boo!. There's a lot of fright in a Boo!, and it might kill them. Instead, you give them a picoBoo!."

It was Terabull.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby kira » Fri Aug 22, 2008 2:57 am UTC

Xanthir wrote:It's less of a joke and more of a "they're so stupid" story. The post office only accepts parcels with a length of 4ft or less. However, you can easily ship something larger than 4ft (up to about 5ft 8in) by using the diagonals, thus proving their restriction to be ridiculous.


What about the restriction is ridiculous? They are not placing a limit on the size of the material that you can ship, only the size of the boxes. There has to be a limit on the size of the box due to the fact that people and machines need to be able to process these things. There must be an upper bound.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby NathanielJ » Fri Aug 22, 2008 4:19 am UTC

kira wrote:
Xanthir wrote:It's less of a joke and more of a "they're so stupid" story. The post office only accepts parcels with a length of 4ft or less. However, you can easily ship something larger than 4ft (up to about 5ft 8in) by using the diagonals, thus proving their restriction to be ridiculous.


What about the restriction is ridiculous? They are not placing a limit on the size of the material that you can ship, only the size of the boxes. There has to be a limit on the size of the box due to the fact that people and machines need to be able to process these things. There must be an upper bound.


Ditto on that sentiment... would it be preferable that they have an absolute length in any direction requirement, forcing people to ship in circular boxes?
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Matterwave1 » Fri Aug 22, 2008 4:21 am UTC

Iono if this has been posted, but it's one of my faves:

Two engineers are walking together, one with a brand new bike. So, the engineer without the bike asks the other engineer "where'd you get the bike?". To which the engineer responds: "Well, I was walking home the other day and a girl comes down in front of me with her bike and took off all her clothes. She then said 'take what you want!', so I took the bike and rode off". The other engineer replies "good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Avin » Fri Aug 22, 2008 4:34 pm UTC

kira wrote:
Xanthir wrote:It's less of a joke and more of a "they're so stupid" story. The post office only accepts parcels with a length of 4ft or less. However, you can easily ship something larger than 4ft (up to about 5ft 8in) by using the diagonals, thus proving their restriction to be ridiculous.


What about the restriction is ridiculous? They are not placing a limit on the size of the material that you can ship, only the size of the boxes. There has to be a limit on the size of the box due to the fact that people and machines need to be able to process these things. There must be an upper bound.



Besides, the fishing rod could easily fit along the longest diagonal of a 3 foot by 3 foot by 3 foot box with room to spare, so the restriction of 4 feet is very generous for this problem.

(And if the man could get his hands on a 25-dimensional unit hypercube...)

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby 3.14159265... » Fri Aug 22, 2008 7:16 pm UTC

Blatm wrote:My chem teacher on units:

[British accent]"Do any of you have baby brothers or sisters? Well you don't want to give them a full Boo!. There's a lot of fright in a Boo!, and it might kill them. Instead, you give them a picoBoo!."

It was Terabull.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby bigglesworth » Fri Aug 22, 2008 10:42 pm UTC

Avin wrote:(And if the man could get his hands on a 25-dimensional unit hypercube...)


How would that help?
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Frimble » Sat Aug 23, 2008 10:48 am UTC

bigglesworth wrote:
Avin wrote:(And if the man could get his hands on a 25-dimensional unit hypercube...)


How would that help?

The cube could be very small in each dimension, but still contain a five foot line.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby jestingrabbit » Sat Aug 23, 2008 12:22 pm UTC

Frimble wrote:
bigglesworth wrote:
Avin wrote:(And if the man could get his hands on a 25-dimensional unit hypercube...)


How would that help?

The cube could be very small in each dimension, but still contain a five foot line.


That hypercube would actually contain a 15 foot diagonal. The moment you spot one, I've got dibs for my tardis creation.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Ended » Sat Aug 23, 2008 7:52 pm UTC

Wouldn't the longest diagonal be ||(1,1,...,1) - (0,0,...,0)|| = 5?

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